Mixed Bag Day

Today the sky is grey and my mood seems to be mirroring it. Mostly I hesitate to get into it, but I want to present an honest and balanced view of my life through this blog, so lets just say that it's not always perfect for me.

Anthony is my anchor and my buoy, so with him away on the ice, I have to keep myself afloat. I am finding the adjustment challenging at times. It may sound like I don't like the situation much, but in a way I know this is good for me and necessary. We should all strive to be whole and complete people on our own. But I do miss him.

I just went for a long walk on the beach, which I know helps everything. I brought my camera this time and took some photos of what I normally see on my beach walks.

Somebody has "planted" this large driftwood tree at the beach side of the access and this lets me know I have arrived at my street.




The cliff with houses on it is Sumner.

A driftwood stump.


After crossing back over the dunes and back onto the street, I walked past an area that has a bunch of large sculptures hidden in and amongst the grass and trees.


It has always been a mystery to me who is doing these sculptures, and today the question was answered. I came upon three ladies and a man, all working on sculptures. The woman who seemed to be the main sculptor/teacher is named "Bon." She had a large hammer and chisel in hand, her arms covered with dust, working away at a chunk of limestone.

I tentatively started a conversation since they all seemed so involved in what they were doing my presence felt like an interruption. Bon comes down to this area to sculpt every Thursday and sometimes on the weekends. She has a gallery on Ferry Road. She appears to be in her 50's. I thought, here's a woman, an artist, who is out here doing it. She is dedicated to her craft. She has a business.

I want to be this woman. These observations of mine only seem to intensify the general feeling of self-doubt that I have am having about myself today. It seems to be an issue of action. I feel so scattered...I have trouble focusing. I think, I imagine, I dream, but it's all up there in the grey matter. The action behind all of it is the key to everything. There is no ONE THING that I really LOVE in the creative realm. I kind of LIKE everything. I feel I am still searching for an elusive feeling of passion. Am I really an artist? Do I have what it takes to be successful? Why am I so scared? These are difficult questions for me. It's these feelings that I am constantly having to quell. Of course I am talented. Duh. Yes, I do have what it takes! The hardest part is just letting it be okay to have this time to explore my creativity without judging. I am without question my own harshest critic.

Okay, so to catch you up on the classes, here is my latest scrapbooking page. I really had fun at this class last Tuesday night. I felt more adventurous and bold with my layout. It's like anything, I am learning the basics and I guess I'll just get better and better.